So drunk, too bad you don't want this
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
