I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
