im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
