Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
