you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
