I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's shark week go big or go home
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
