there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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