the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
