dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
