worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
