Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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