I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
