and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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