I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
