Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can't talk, ducks in the car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
