Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
