Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
