Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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