I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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