I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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