Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
