I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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