Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
