He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize