In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
