I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
