I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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