I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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