One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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