doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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