I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
