He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Found your dick twin last night
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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