my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
