i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
