I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
