I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize