I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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