I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
