SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Sober January is a disaster.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
