Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
