You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
