i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
