Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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