I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
