my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
