Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
