Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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