His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
