I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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