I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
