just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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