You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
