I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
