U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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