He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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