I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
