on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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