i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
