Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize