so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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