I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
