We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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