Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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