I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize