Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
