i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
