im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
