I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
