She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize