I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Two words: blizzard sex
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
