I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
