Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
