There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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